Madoff Not Sick
The federal bureau of prisons says Bernie Madoff is not suffering from cancer. The statement was made after Madoff underwent extensive tests, which included all of his cell block mates checking him for colon cancer.



H1N1 Vaccines
The good news is the government says there will be enough swine flu vaccines this fall. The bad news is the guy giving all the injections will be Michael Jackson's doctor.



Doctor Death
A new report blames Michael Jackson's doctor Conrad Murray is responsible for the singer's death. But prosecutors are willing to let him go if he starts a primary care practice that actually accepts new patients.



Ben Again
President Obama is renominating Bush-appointee Ben Bernanke for another term as Chairman of the Federal Reserve. The White House decided to stay with Bernanke because the process of choosing a new chairman would not be carbon neutral.



Clunker Jobs
The White House says 42,000 jobs were saved or created by the "cash for clunkers" program. That's 100 decent auto manufacturing jobs, and 41,900 new bureaucrats hired to tell us the program was a success.





August 25th


1910: The Yellow Cab Co. is founded on the principles of providing convient automobile cab service for all Americans loving below 125th Street.

1916: The United States National Park Service is created in the hopes of giving Boy Scout leaders a safe and beautiful place to molest children.

1944: Paris is liberated by the Allies. The Freed French citizens immediately ask the American and British troops to stop making so much noise before noon.