Big Deal
Baker Hughes is buying BJ Services for $5.5 billion. That seems overpriced since some woman on 10th Ave. just offered me a BJ service for $50.



Lost in Space
India has ended its unmanned moon mission after failed attempts to regain contact with the orbiter. The space craft is actually still functioning, it's just that it having trouble understanding those Indian women from tech support.



California Wildfires
A massive wildfire is threatening 12,000 homes north of Los Angeles. But more importantly, the blazes may delay the Michael Jackson homicide investigation.


A massive wildfire is buring north of Los Angeles. The blaze is feeding off of dried brush, high winds, and thousands of worthless California IOU's.



Journalists Graded
A new report shows that a public relations firm assessed journalists' work before the military embedded them with troops in Iraq and Afghanistan. It was actually a safety issue as the Pentagon needed to know which TV anchormen wore the kind hair gel that could ignite during a mortar attack.




August 31


1422: Henry VI, becomes King of England at the age of 9 months. Executions are common on days when he doesn't nap.


1803: Lewis and Clark start their expedition to the west by leaving Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. The trip is immediately cut short when they realize they left their GPS back at the hotel.


1897: Thomas Edison patents the Kinetoscope, the first movie projector. Legally, this means he can be held criminally responsible for Kevin Costner's career.


1980: Zimbabwe establishes diplomatic relations with Algeria. Algeria breaks up with Sudan.


1991: Kyrgyzstan declares its independence from the Soviet Union and begins its search for more vowels.