Obama-Kennedy
President Obama is busy working on Ted Kennedy's obituary, luckily he has a lot of practice because he's been writing the nation's obituary since he took office in January.


Replacing Teddy
Massachusetts Governor Deval Patrick wants to change state law to appoint a replacement for Ted Kennedy because, "Massachusetts needs two voices in the Senate." But it already has that because John Kerry has been speaking out of both sides of his mouth for decades.



Wildfire Evacuations
Because of some wildfires, about 1,500 people have been ordered to evacuate the wealthy seaside community of Rancho Palos Verdes, California. Usually, the only thing that gets that many rich people to abandon their homes is higher property taxes.



Cable Merger
The entertainment world is buzzing over surprising reports that A&E and Lifetime may merge. That's almost as shocking as another report showing that there is a straight man somewhere in America who watches A&E and Lifetime.



Soldiers to School
Colleges across the country are getting an influx of veterans as a result of the Post-9/11 GI Bill. It's not clear what will be a bigger shock for the former soldiers, co-ed dorms or the fact that most of their professors are more anti-American than the Taliban.





August 28th

1565: St. Augustine, Florida, is established. It is the oldest surviving European settlement in the United States... and it currently houses some of the oldest surviving people in the United States.


1913: Queen Wilhelmina opens the Peace Palace... several people beat each other up for the right to enter first.


1996: Charles, Prince of Wales and Diana, Princess of Wales are divorced. Neither claim custody of Charles' ears.