Bernanke Victimized
Newsweek is reporting that Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke was the victim of identity theft in 2008. It turns out a bunch of big banks used his name to charge the taxpayers for a $700 billion bailout.



CIA Morale
With possible torture indictments on the way, morale is reportedly very low at the CIA. In fact, terrorism suspects being wiretapped say they can overhear the agents sighing and weeping every time they use their phone.



Discovery Delay
A damaged valve is delaying the launch of the Shuttle Discovery for another week. One more week and NASA will trade Discovery in for a $4.5 billion rebate in the "Cash for Clunker Shuttles" program.



Xbox Price Cut
Microsoft is cutting the price of its Xbox 360 by $100. Most X-Box users plan to use the extra money to buy their first clothes without Star Wars characters on them.



Kennedy Replacement
People in Massachusetts are clamoring for a fast replacement for Ted Kennedy's Senate seat... just as soon as the Red Sox get a decent closer.




August 27th


479 BC: Greco-Persian Wars: Persian forces led by Mardonius are routed by Pausanias, the Spartan commander of the Greek army in the Battle of Plataea. More importantly, everyone there was gay.


410 BC: The sacking of Rome by the Visigoths ends after three days. The Romans are then forced to punt.


1859: Petroleum is discovered in Titusville, Pennsylvania. The locals immediately construct a convenience store right on the site.