Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Knick Trades
The New York Knicks have traded some of their highest-paid players to make room under the salary cap. This means the Knicks biggest expense is now Isiah Thomas' prescription drug coverage.

Subway Attack
Federal authorities are warning of a possible terror plot against the New York City subways. Luckily, al qaeda terrorists are not expected to be able to afford the coming fare hikes.

Black Friday Lines
Lines are already forming outside several malls and other stores. Unfortunately the crowds aren't there for bargains; they're looking for work.

Economic Panel
In addition to all his cabinet appointments, President-elect Obama is bringing a new 17-member economic board to the White House. A few thousand more bloated boards like that, and Obama will have this employment crisis fixed up in no time!

Turkey Pardon
The annual pardoning of the Thanksgiving Turkey by President Bush has been canceled this year. The turkeys are asking for a $800 billion bailout instead.

Bush No Pardons
The Bush administration is bucking the long tradition of issuing a heavy load of presidential pardons during the final weeks in office. Instead of pardons, it's just issuing billions of dollars in bailouts so most of the nation's bankers can avoid going to jail in the first place.

$1 Salary
AIG's CEO Edward Liddy has agreed to take just a $1 salary for this year. Shareholders still think he's overpaid.

Price Hike
The bad news is that McDonald's is raising the price of its double cheeseburger from 99 cents to $1.19. The good news is that it's still more than the CEO of AIG can afford right now!

Gates Stays
President-elect Barack Obama says he will keep Defense Secretary Robert Gates as a show of continuity in a time of war... and to make sure there's at least one person from the Bush administration he can blame when things go wrong.


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