Pope Jumper
Vatican police have detained a man who tried to jump into the open-air vehicle carrying Pope Benedict XVI. The man insists he meant the Pope no harm, it's just that gas prices have forced him to find free rides whenever he can.


Speaker Speaks
Travelling TB patient Andrew Speaker strongly denied that the CDC told him not to travel. Actually, it's not that the CDC didn't know he was going to travel, it's just that nobody could believe that anyone would be crazy enough to travel through the Atlanta airport.


Billy's New Digs
Billy Joel has just bought a new home in the Hamptons. It's the perfect place for Joel as it has 5 bedrooms, 4 bathrooms, and a wrecked 3-car garage.



Home Depot Firing
A Home Depot employee in Oklahoma has been fired for helping police apprehend a shoplifter. It's not that the company wants to encourage theft, it's just that its employees aren't actually supposed to ever be seen.


Vermont Secession
13% of Vermont citizens say they favor seceeding from the Union. This comes as a shock to most Americans who thought Vermont seceeded from the Union the day it made Howard Dean governor.


D-Day Anniversary
Wednesday marks the 63rd anniversary of the heroic D-Day invasion. The American news media would spend more time commemorating the event, but it's too busy reporting on Bob Barker's retirement.


Rudy's Religion
During Tuesday night's GOP presidential debate, Rudy Giuliani refused to discuss his religious beliefs, saying that "it's between me and God." But by being willing to say the word "God" in public, we already know he's more religious than any of the Democrats.