Clemens Injured
Roger Clemens' return to Yankees has been delayed because of a groin injury. The only Yankee who's groin is getting more attention these days is Alex Rodriguez.


JFK Airport Plot
Investigators say the men who plotted an attack on JFK Airport in New York wanted to "punish" the United States. Although it's hard to conceive of anything that's punished Americans more in the last 40 years than JFK Airport.


Polish Coma Man
A Polish railway worker who woke up after 19 years in a coma is learning to live again and to understand a drastically altered Poland where democracy is now the norm. But the man was able to find his bearings as soon as he was informed that everyone in Poland still wants to kill all the Jews.



Driving Terror
A crazed woman plowed her car through a crowded Washington D.C. street festival Saturday night, injuring about 35 people. Cops aren't sure who the driver was, but something like this seems to happen every time Barack Obama starts gaining on Hillary Clinton in the polls.



Hilton Haters
Even before she arrives, inmates at an L.A.-area prison are angry at Paris Hilton because they believe officials are making room for the starlet at the expense of other inmates already coping with crowded conditions. Well, know they know how every out-of-work actress with actual talent has felt about her for the last four years.


Porn on the Rise
Experts say the spread of exhibitionism in America is directly linked to the rise porn in the mainstream media. Is there nothing we can't blame Katie Couric for?