Chained Hilton
Paris Hilton entered prison Sunday at 11:30pm Pacific time... our long national nightmare is finally over.


Kevorkian on TV
Fresh out of prison, assisted suicide advocate Jack Kevorkian will join Larry King tonight on CNN. Well, it's good that Kevorkian is immediately going where he's needed most.




Jefferson Charged
U.S. Rep. William Jefferson was indicted Monday on federal charges of racketeering, soliciting bribes and money-laundering... all crimes he must have comitted before going into politics, since racketeering, soliciting bribes and money-laundering are actually what most Congressmen are expected to do for a living.

Investigators knew Mr. Jefferson was probably accepting bribes when they learned he was living in a de-luxe apartment in the sky.


Not Contagious
Doctors say the "travelling TB patient" Andrew Speaker is not contagious. So if you flew in a plane with him, you're not as likely to get sick as you are to get about 100 calls from the "Today Show."


Donovan Backs Out
Basketball coach Bill Donovan is backing out of his deal with the Orlando Magic and wants to return to the University of Florida. Donovan realized that if you're going to have to coach a bunch of illiterate thugs, you really need to get paid more than they do.


JFK Plotters Fight
The two men held in Trinidad on an alleged terror plot to blow up fuel tanks and destroy JFK Airport are fighting extradition to the United States. It's not that they don't want to face a trial, it's just that like most Americans, they really don't want to fly into JFK.