Libby Fine
Scooter Libby has been sentenced to 30 months in jail and a $250,000 fine for lying to investigators in the CIA leak case. Libby has been instructed to make the $250,000 check out to the Democratic Party.


GOP Debate
Fred Thompson will not be participating in Tuesday night's Republican presidential debate on CNN. Luckily, voters will still see plenty of Thompson since "Law & Order" re-runs will be playing on every other station.


Kucinich on Osama
Democratic presidential candidate Dennis Kucinich says if Osama bin Laden is captured, a lot more Americans would rather see him tried in court rather than killed right away. Actually more Americans would just like to see Dennis Kucinich killed right away.


Bush Assures Russia
President Bush is assuring Russia that they need not fear America's missile defense system... especially since we'll probably never figure out how to use it.



Hillary and Religion
Hillary Clinton says her religious faith helped her cope with her husband's infidelity. Ans she says that every night, she asks God for guidance, strength, and to cut Bill's balls off.


Crack Driver
It turns out the crack-crazed driver who plowed through dozens of people at a D.C. street fair this weekend was a female employee in Councilman Marion Barry's office. So, I guess she was just bringing her work home.


Abbas Warning
Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas warned Tuesday that his people are on the verge of civil war. So, I guess all the killing of each other they've been doing for the last 100 years was just a warm up.