Monday, September 25, 2006

Secret Terror Report
A classified intelligence report concludes that the Iraq war has worsened the terrorist threat to the United States. It's not clear which CIA agents put the report together, but their names are expected to be leaked by the Vice President's office in the next few days.

Osama Dead?
The Bush administration will not confirm reports that Osama bin Laden died of typhoid last month... mostly because President Bush doesn't want to pay typhoid that $25 million reward.

Hillary Worse than Satan?
The Rev. Jerry Falwell said Sunday that if Hillary Clinton were the Democrats' presidential nominee in 2008, evangelical Christian voters would work harder against her than they would against the devil himself. That's because at least Satan isn't a woman.

Oprah Web Site Threat
Oprah Winfrey's lawyers are threatening to sue a man who is using her likeness on a Web site calling her to run for president in 2008. It's only legal to use a person's picture to humiliate them until after they've been elected.

Iraq Debate
Several of Iraq's new political parties have agreed to debate a bill that could divide the nation into several states. The debate will be decided by whoever detonates the most car bombs over the next two weeks.

Clinton vs. Wallace
Fox News anchor Chris Wallace says he was surprised that former President Bill Clinton blew up at him during an interview Sunday... I mean it's not like he made him sit next to Hillary in the green room or anything.

Army Deserter to Return
An Army deserter who fled to Canada two years ago after serving in Iraq says he will return to the U.S. Apparently, the Republican Party can't wait to nominate him for president.


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