Saints Back Home
The New Orleans Saints played their first home game at the Superdome since Hurricane Katrina last night. But now that the city has spent $185 million to give the 50 players on the football team a new home, the other two million people are out of luck.

Top 5 List of Priorities for the City of New Orleans

5) Provide Anderson Cooper with a good excuse to write another self-serving book

4) Remind the world that you don't need a real population or a sound infrastructure to get publicly drunk

3) Pay someone $1 million a year to turn Mayor Nagin's microphone off whenever he speaks in public

2) When all else fails, save the football team first

1) Make sure the guys finish rebuilding the levees BEFORE letting them go to Mardi Gras


Miss Cleo Gay
Former infomercial psychic Miss Cleo revealed in the latest issue of the Advocate that she is a lesbian. So there IS finally a person who gay people are embarrassed of.

Offensive Ads
Islamic leaders are upset with an Ohio car dealership's ad campaign promising a "jihad on high prices." Muslims customers are mostly upset that none of the cars come with bombs.

Rummy's Tenure
In December Donald Rumsfeld will pass Robert McNamara as the longest serving Secretary of Defense... and he's gonna keep at it until he gets it right!

U.S.-Venezuela Tensions
Tensions between the U.S. and Venezuela got worse over the weekend after the Venezuelan foreign minister was detained for an hour at JFK Airport. Luckily, American diplomats have since explained to the foreign minister that getting delayed at JFK is one of our nation's oldest and most accepted traditions.

McCain on Bolton
Senator John McCain is urging a quick confirmation of John Bolton as U.N. ambassador, saying he is needed to talk back to "two-bit dictators" such as Hugo Chavez. Actually, that's a job for Andrew Dice Clay.