World Cup Loss
Ghana's national soccer team easily defeated the U.S. in the World Cup Thursday. U.S. corporations are so impressed they're replacing all their Mexican workers with illegal immigrants from Ghana.

Top 5 U.S. World Cup Excuses

5) Just like the Army in Iraq, the team got to the World Cup easily... but didn't know what to do once it got there

4) All the refs were from the U.N.

3) Wearing those high socks did nothing for their "street cred"

2) They took all the steroids they could... what more do you want?

1) Team members just wanted to get back to America and play a real sport like baseball

Cheney's View
Vice President Dick Cheney says pulling out of Iraq would be the "worst thing we could do right now." He's got a point, if U.S. troops leave who will protect all of his co-workers at Halliburton?

Bush in Hungary
While visiting Budapest Thursday, President Bush laid a wreath at a monument honoring Hungary's failed 1956 uprising against the Soviet Union. Mr. Bush has a special place in his heart for failures.

Bush in Hungary II
While visiting Budapest Thursday, President Bush laid a wreath at a monument honoring the 50th anniversary of Hungary's failed 1956 uprising against the Soviet Union. When he gets back, President Bush will visit the monument honoring the 3rd anniversary of our failed invasion of Iraq: a gas station.

American Idol-Bulimia
"American Idol" runner-up Katharine McPhee is hoping her revelation that she has battled bulimia will help millions of Americans. But millions of us music fans already began to feel sympathy for bulimics when we all threw up while watching "American Idol."