Moon Mission
NASA is set to unveil plans detailing a new mission to take people and cargo to and from the moon. The federal government is expected to endorse the plan, as soon as it figures out how to take people and cargo to and from New Orleans.

Saints Owner Blasted
The owner of the New Orleans Saints is under fire for saying that Katrina victims would benefit from Saints' victories more than anything else right now. Of course that comment makes no sense, because how can people really need something they've survived without for generations anyway?

Rebuilding Vow
The good news is President Bush is vowing to do whatever it takes to rebuild New Orleans and the rest of the Gulf Coast. The bad news is the people he's putting in charge of that effort are all executives at Delta and Northwest Airlines.

German Elections
Germany's national elections have ended too close to call. That means the winner will be the candidate who hires Karl Rove first.

Bush's Son Drunk
Florida Governor Jeb Bush's son John was arrested last week and charged with public intoxication and resisting arrest. It's an embarrassing story, but at least the Republicans finally have a frontrunner for their 2008 presidential nomination!

Box Office
The new romantic comedy "Just Like Heaven," which features Reese Witherspoon as a lovesick ghost, is number one at the box office. Apparently, movie fans couldn't resist seeing a movie that begins with Witherspoon already dead.