Top 5 New FOX Shows Now that Roger Ailes is Completely in Charge

5) Boston Private

4) The Biggest Liberal

3) Malcom on the Right

2) That Neocon Show

1) Republican Idol

Madonna Injured
Madonna broke several bones while riding a new horse at her English estate yesterday. Doctors say she won’t be able to speak in her fake British accent for at least two weeks.

Madonna Injured II
Madonna broke several bones after being thrown by a horse at her English estate yesterday. Apparently, the stallion thought Madonna was taking him to one of her movies.

“No Fly List” Problems
Because of glitches in the nationwide “no fly” anti-terror list, hundreds of toddlers and babies have been kept from boarding domestic flights… but aside from those members of Congress, no one else has been inconvenienced.

Bonds Return?
After saying injuries would keep him out all season, Barry Bonds now thinks he may return to the San Francisco Giants next month. Apparently, Bonds just can’t wait any longer to go back to insulting the media and all the fans.

CNN Virus
A massive virus wiped out CNN's computers last night, erasing all the data for the network's early prime time shows. Luckily, Lou Dobbs had already memorized all the anti-immigration scripts he's been using on his show every night for the last three years.

CNN Virus II
A massive virus wiped out CNN's computers last night, erasing all the data for the network's early prime time shows. But it's not clear if the virus did any more damage to the network than CNN management has done already.

Ward Holdout Ends
The Pittsburgh Steelers have convinced Hines Ward to come back to training camp, even though he didn’t get the better contract he wanted. He did, however, get the Steelers to drop their demand that he change the spelling of his first name to “Heinz.”