Interest Rate Hikes
The Federal Reserve policymakers pushed interest rates up for the 10th straight time yesterday. This is all part of the Fed's brilliant plan to bring prices down by increasing the cost of everything.

Top 5 More Effective Ways to Curb Inflation

5) Send all Hummer owners to Gitmo

4) Force all health insurance company executives to take regular cross-country bus trips with angry elderly people

3) Pass new law forcing New York City landlords to actually provide running water in all apartments selling for $1 million or more

2) Inform the Knicks that they can only raise season tickets prices if they win

1) Elect a President who can count

Angry About Iran
Iran is showing all signs of continuing its nuclear weapons program. This is seriously angering President Bush who only knows how to start wars that are unnecessary.

Angry About Iran II
Iran is showing all signs of continuing its nuclear weapons program. Great, so that means all the hard work the guys at the CIA have been doing to make false evidence against Iran has been for nothing!

No Clocks
The Indiana Bureau of Motor Vehicles has decided to remove all the working clocks from each of its license branches. Of course, they already removed all the working employees from those offices years ago.

Disney Case
A judge has ruled that Disney executives did have the right to give former president Michael Ovitz a $140 million severance package. But the court also ruled that Disney had no right to charge people any money to see "Herbie, Fully Loaded."

General Fired
The Pentagon has relieved four-star General Kevin Byrnes for a matter of "personal conduct." It's not clear exactly what the charges are, but it probably has something to do with the fact that Byrnes insisted on showering every night at Abu Ghraib prison.

Shuttle Lands
The Space Shuttle Discovery landed safely yesterday in California. The landing was more than 24 hours late and 3,000 miles away from its scheduled destination... but that's still better than what you usually get when you fly United!