Jackson Trial
In opening statements, prosecutors said Michael Jackson served his 10-year old accuser alcohol and showed him gay porn. But Jackson's attorneys say he was only preparing the boy for a career as a right wing White House correspondent.

Jackson Trial II
Defense attorneys said the mother of Michael Jackson's accuser had previously tried to get money from other celebrities, including Jay Leno. They say the woman gave herself away as a con artist when she told Leno he was funny.

Jackson Trial III
While describing what he called the mother's "scam," defense attorney Thomas Mesereau said Michael Jackson simply failed to "smell the ruse" like the other celebrities she targeted. But that's probably because Michael Jackson doesn't really have a nose.

Fossett's Flight
Millionaire pilot Steve Fossett is attempting the first solo non-stop flight around the world today. If successful, he'll also become the first air traveler to actually spend more time on the plane than the security line since 9/11.

Palestinian Conference
Britain is hosting a one-day international conference aimed at ending Palestinian financial corruption and reducing terror attacks against Israel. Of course they could do that all in one fell swoop by taking the Palestinian officials' limousines away and making them ride the bus.

Oscar Ratings
Ratings for Sunday's Academy Awards show were down 5% from last year. But that's only because if most Americans wanted to see a bunch of ridiculously-dressed celebrities, they'd watch the Michael Jackson trial.

Social Security Battle
As he continues his fight to change Social Security, the White House says President Bush is "just beginning to educate the public." But I thought the "No Child Left Behind" act was supposed to eliminate incompetent teachers!

Winter Storm
Sanitation workers and cops are overwhelmed again today as New York is digging out from another snow storm. You don't usually see this many debilitated city employees in March unless it's St. Patrick's Day.

New Passion
A new version of "The Passion of the Christ" is coming to theaters for Easter. This time, the movie won't blame the Jews for Christ's death... it'll blame the gays.

BBC Show
A new BBC reality show forces contestants to face conditions similar to those in Guantanamo Bay, including physical torture, sexual humiliation, and sleep deprivation... kind of what it feels like just to watch "Fear Factor."