Kerik Fails
You know it's too bad Bernard Kerik won't get to be the Homeland Security chief... frankly I'd feel a lot better with him off the streets.

Birds Back
Bird lovers and co-op owners worked out a tentative agreement allowing Pale Male and Lola, the red-tailed hawks, to return to their nest atop a posh 5th Avenue building. The birds just have to come up with a $7.25 million dollar balloon interest payment by February.

Babs Falls
While at the White House Christmas party this week, first daughter Barbara Bush accidentally smashed her head on the dance floor. It was painful, but for a few moments at least, she was able to think just like her father.

Pam's TV Deal
Pamela Anderson will star in a sitcom for FOX in which she will play a woman trying to change her habit of falling for irresponsible men. Oh wait, no... that's tonight's episode of "True Hollywood Story."

O'Keefe's New Job
NASA administrator Sean O'Keefe resigned this week for a $500,000 per year job as chancellor of Louisiana State University. Not only does the new position pay more, but from now on when people under his supervision die, he can just blame drugs and alcohol.

McCain's Complaint
Senator John McCain says he has "no confidence" in Donald Rumsfeld, however he isn't calling for his resignation because he says President Bush "can have the team that he wants." But if that were true, McCain wouldn't be able to stay a Republican.

Christmas Bells
Researchers say Christmas is the deadliest day of the year, with Americans dying at a 12.4% higher rate on December 25th than on any other day. Yet another reason not to waste money on holiday gifts for old people.

Halftime Show
The makers of "Girls Gone Wild" will air a pay-per-view special opposite
this year's Super Bowl halftime show that will contain nudity. But why should viewers pay for something this year that they got last year for free?