Special Day
The federal government has named April 2nd National "Walk to Work Day." It's alternate title is: "I Don't Have $150 to Fill up my SUV Anymore Day."

Comedy Festival
New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg announced this week that the city will host its first annual New York Comedy Festival in November. Actually the first comedy festival will be in August, when the city hosts the Republican National Convention

Ramsey Campaign
In a first, John Ramsey, the father of JonBenet Ramsey, is considering running for the 105th House District in Michigan. Usually politicians don't screw and kill children until after they're elected.

Wal-Mart Firing
A Texas man was fired from Wal-Mart after he reported to work in a priest’s shirt and collar, six crosses, a vampire symbol and an Arab headdress. Wal-Mart didn't object to the religious nature of the outfit, it was just that all the clothing and jewelry was actually made in America.

Wal-Mart Thief
Police in Georgia arrested a woman after she tried to use a fake 1 million dollar bill to buy merchandise at a Wal-Mart. Wal-Mart pressed charges not because the note was fake, but because the bill was actually made in America.

Kerry Intelligence Money
Republicans are attacking John Kerry for voting to reduce the CIA's budget last year. The GOP says it's obvious Kerry has no idea how expensive it really is to regularly create forged intelligence documents.

Child Touch
A new study shows that regularly touching children tenderly can help them reduce stress and even avoid mental illness. In response to the report, Michael Jackson is launching "Reduce Child Stress Week" at Neverland Ranch.