Monday, March 29, 2004

Nielsen Protest
Black and Latino leaders are denouncing the Nielsen Media Research company, claiming its ratings undercount minority TV viewers. That brings up an important question for all minorities: Is being ignored by advertisers really worse than having the whole world find out you actually watch "Fear Factor?"

Olympic Threat
Many Olympians say they're worried tight anti-terrorism security will ruin the spirit of the Summer Games in Athens. But officials are assuring everyone that the added security personnel won't even be noticeable in the athletes' living quarters... because they'll be disguised as steroid pushers.

Rice Denial
National Security Adviser Condoleeza Rice is being accused of being "afraid" to testify before the 9/11 Commission. But after seeing several of her close-ups during a "60 Minutes" interview last night it's obvious Rice is really only afraid of going to the dentist.

Reality Show Casting Directors Vigorously Pursue Tyco "Juror #4"

Annoying holdout sure to spark ratings-rich TV strife

(Hollywood) Desperately hoping to cash in on a sure-fire controversy pot-boiler, producers for dozens of the leading TV reality shows are trying to contact the now infamous "juror #4," who is the lone holdout arguing for Dennis Kozlowski's innocence in the Tyco case.

"This woman is obviously a little crazy, and unwilling to back down even in the face of obvious group hatred," said "The Apprentice," star and creator Donald Trump. "She makes Omarosa look like a pussycat," added Trump, comparing the juror to his series' most annoying and hated cast member.

But the casters from "Survivor," say the 58-year old iconoclast is better-suited for their series.

"I'm betting the folks in that jury room would love to vote that woman off their island right about now," said executive producer Mark Burnett, "we'll be offering them and all of America the chance to enjoy seeing her booted, or at least watch her eat rats," he added.

But TV programming expert Bob Thompson of Syracuse University disagrees.

"The kind of woman who would ignore mountains of obvious evidence, and still show affection for a wealthy dope like Kozlowski should really be a contestant on the next edition of 'The Bachelor."


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