Top 12 Signs Your Shul May Not be Right for You


12) During Passover, Rabbi vigorously frisks all congregants for chametz

11) First person to yell out mistakes in laining gets Hagbah

10) Movie before Selichos this year was "The Passion of the Christ"

9) Sermons delivered in Junior Congregation actually more learned

8) Mechitza filled with lewd graffiti

7) Weekly Talmud class degenerates into violent rounds of "stump the Rabbi"

6) Musaf lasts until after Havdalah

5) Rabbi refuses to hold by local eruv, comes to shul every shabbos naked

4) Three flags displayed on the bimah: American, Israeli, and windsock

3) Bitter 2000 Shul elections also decided by confused elderly members now living in Florida

2) Annual Purim Carnival actually held on Yom Kippur

1) The Arnold and Frieda Nussbaum memorial urinal