Boston Flu
The Boston Archdiocese is suspending communion procedures that involve physical contact between parishioners and priests to avoid spreading the flu; something that should have the additional benefit of cutting down on lawsuits too!

Mad Cow Reaction
In response to Mad Cow Disease being discovered in America, Russia is banning all imports of U.S. beef... which certainly comes as devastating news to the three people in Russia who can afford to buy beef.