Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Campbell is 40
Today is Naomi Campbell's lavish 40th birthday party. Instead of pinatas, guests will be encouraged to use their cell phones to smash Campbell's maids and chaffeurs.

Gooden DUI
Dwight Gooden has been arrested for drunk driving with a child in the car. The kid was actually getting a ride from Gooden so he could sell drugs to Darryl Strawberry.

Prison Smoking Bans
25 states now ban smoking in prison. Inmates say not having cigarettes really makes it hard to cool off after raping each other.

Pot Vote
Voters in California will decide in Novemebr whether to legalize and tax marijuana sales in the state. Just to make sure all the voters are represented, some polling places will be moved from schools to several Taco Bell locations across the state.

China Surgery
A 6-year-old boy from China, who was born with 5 extra fingers and 6 extra toes, has undergone an operation to remove his extra digits. The surgery was arranged after the boy's classmates complained that he had an unfair advantage in math class.

March 25th

1584: Sir Walter Raleigh is granted a patent to colonize Virginia... and make cigarette ads targeting teenagers.

1634: The first settlers arrive in Maryland. So that's 376 years and all they've got to show for themselves are crabcakes.

1655: Saturn's largest moon, Titan, is discovered by Christian Huygens. Later he realizes he was just the victimm of a crude fraternity prank.

1918: The Belarusian People's Republic is established... in Brooklyn.


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