Palestinian Rocket Attack #5,332
A rocket fired by Palestinian militants from the Gaza Strip killed a civilian Israeli man today. The U.S. is praising the Palestinians for not launching the attack when it would embarrass Vice President Biden.


Palestinian Rocket Attack #5,332 II
A rocket fired by Palestinian militants from the Gaza Strip killed a civilian Israeli man today. Rational people call this cold blooded murder, CNN calls it "March Madness."



March Madness Begins
The NCAA basketball tournament begins today. Sadly, the massive betting and money made from the tournament is likely to create more jobs than the Stimulus plan.




Mail Service Poll
A new poll shows that most Americans are okay with five-day-a-week mail service... in fact, most Americans would be happy to finally get their mail on time once a week.



Tax Prep
More Americans than ever are doing their own taxes. They figure they can't do a worse job than most of the people in the Obama cabinet.



Madoff Beaten
It turns out Bernie Madoff was beaten up in prison by a fellow inmate who thought Madoff owed him money. It's just Madoff's luck that they put him in the one prison in America with the only other Jewish inmate.





March 18th

1944: Mount Vesuvius erupts, causing thousands to flee their homes, and six crime families to put a contract out on the volcano.


1989: A 4,400-year-old mummy is found nearby the Pyramid of Cheops. It immediately demands Social Security and Medicare.


2005: Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed at the request of her husband, and the guy who had to clean her bedpan every morning.