Health Care Bill Signing
President Obama will sign the health care reform bill into law today. There's no truth to the rumor that the ink in his pen will be replaced with Bart Stupak's blood.



Crime Scene Verdict
A judge has found a Nebraska chief crime-scene investigator guilty of tampering with evidence... it turns out he was saving all the grossest body parts and selling them to the producers of "CSI."



Dirty Water
The U.N. says filthy water around the war kills more people than wars. Attorney General Eric Holder has immediately responded by promising to give the water defense lawyers and try it in federal criminal courts.



Toyota Stays Strong
Despite all the dangers and the bad publicity, Toyota stock is soaring and so are Toyota sales. This is the same reason why President Obama expects to be re-elected.


Google and China
Google has split with the Chinese government and decided to stop censoring information on its Chinese search engine. China plans to ban Google as soon as it can finish pirating all its software.





March 23rd


1801: Tsar Paul I of Russia is struck with a sword, then strangled, and finally trampled to death in his bedroom at St. Michael's Castle... and that was just for hogging the blankets.


1868: The University of California is founded in Oakland, California when the Organic Act is signed into law. Since then, students the University of California have been devoted to smoking everything organic they can get their hands on.


1956: Pakistan becomes the first Islamic republic in the world... making it the first country where people actually vote to blow themselves up for no good reason.