Monday, November 06, 2006

Saddam Effect
Experts say the Iraqi court's death sentence for Saddam Hussein will affect the U.S. midterm elections. That's because thousands of Americans are expected to go to the polls in hopes on doing the same thing to the Republicans.

Hussein Appeal
Under Iraqi law, Saddam Hussein's death sentence now automatically goes to a nine-judge appeals panel, who have unlimited time to review the case.... or until they're all killed by Sunni terrorists, whichever comes first.

Top 5 Signs the Republicans are in Trouble

5) Pentagon planning all-out invasion of Iran one minute before polls open

4) House GOP leaders canceling election night Congressman-Page "spin the bottle" tournament

3) Karl Rove arranging for free crack giveaways at all urban polling places

2) House Speaker Dennis Hastert is asking everyone where he can find empty boxes

1) Mailroom at Exxon-Mobil overflowing with GOP Congressmen's resumes

Santorum Strategy
Incumbent Pennsylvania Senator Rick Santorum is hoping to close a wide gap between him and his opponent with what he says is "a major last minute effort." That means his volunteers are beating up as many gays as they possibly can before the polls open.

Democrats and the Economy
A new CNN poll shows that a majority of Americans believe the economy would move in the right direction if the Democrats regained control of Congress. That's because corporations will have to spend their money creating jobs instead of bribing Republicans for the next two years.

National Polls
Several polls spell problems for the Republicans on this election day. Most Americans feel the country is headed in the wrong direction. Most Americans feel the Republicans have mishandled the war in Iraq. And most Americans are less afraid of terrorists than they are of hunting with Dick Cheney.

Al Qaeda Endorsement
Republicans insist Muslim terrorists are supporting the Democrats in these midterm elections... which is surprising, since al Qaeda and the GOP see eye-to-eye on so many things like gay marriage, women's rights, military spending, separation of Church and State...

White House Defends Don
The White House on Monday defended Donald Rumsfeld against a military newspaper editorial that called for his resignation saying the editorial was a "shabby piece of work"... and obviously written by one of those "uneducated soldiers that John Kerry was talking about last week."

Scarlet T-Shirt
A Delaware judge has ordered a man who twice exposed himself to a 10 year-old girl to wear a T-shirt with the words "I am a registered sex offender." Similar shirts are expected to become a wild craze among high school and college boys within two weeks.


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