Wednesday, November 16, 2005

Woodward's Wait
Journalist Bob Woodward now says a White House official told him about Valerie Plame almost a month before Robert Novak published it in his column. Woodward says he never went with the story because he couldn't come up with a cool nickname like "deep throat" for his confidential source.

Senate Vote
The Senate is now demanding that the White House provide routine progress reports on the war in Iraq. The White House says it will do so, but it may take another 10 years before it has some progress to report.

Top 5 "Compromises" in the New Patriot Act

5) Government agents will now only spy on suspicious terror suspects; not suspicious terror suspects and hot chicks

4) CIA will cease questionable probe into what exactly is in a Gyro

3) All listening devices will now be removed from Ted Koppel's hair

2) Government will now also use wire taps to tell parents who the Hell their teenage daughter's been talking to all night

1) Surveillance can be stopped by a court order, law suit, or donation to the Republican party

Den of Torture
Two Iraqi insurgents say U.S. troops forced them into a cage of lions during an interrogation. And in a further violation of the Geneva Convention, it has been confirmed that the lions were nude.

Bush's Description
In a speech in Japan, President Bush praised democracy, saying, "Free nations are peaceful nations, free nations do not threaten their neighbors and free nations offer their citizens a hopeful visions of the future." I guess that means America isn't a free nation.

Fighting the Flu
China's Agriculture Ministry says it will inject all of the nation's 5.2 billion chickens, geese, and ducks with a bird flu vaccine. We couldn't do that in America, because first we'd have to get all the birds to sign a legal waiver.

A blind Israeli golfer shot a hole-in-one this week. Arab protestors insist he must have been secretly aided by the Pentagon.

Party's Over
Beginning December 1, the federal government will stop paying the hotel bills for 53,000 Hurricane Katrina evacuees. But there could be some homes available soon when Mike Brown and the other ex-FEMA officials go to prison.


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