French Riots Subside
The riots in France are subsiding after French police changed their tactics. They stopped hitting the rioters with tear gas and started spraying them with deodorant.

Top 5 Reasons Your College President Makes $1 Million a Year

5) Needs extra cash to bail out 3-4 members of the Football team every Saturday night

4) You think keeping those "Girls Gone Wild" guys off campus is cheap?

3) The University doesn't have any pension plan he can steal from

2) Anything less and the big donors might mistake him for their maid

1) Anyone who can justify charging more than $40,000 a year for tuition is worth at least $1 million!

Busch Suspended
NASCAR star Kurt Busch has been suspended for the rest of the year for drunk driving and mouthing off to police. Luckily, Busch already has a new job as Terrell Owens' chauffeur.

Busch Suspended II
NASCAR star Kurt Busch has been suspended for the rest of the year for drunk driving and mouthing off to police. Busch is expected to make a complete apology, because nothing alienates NASCAR fans more than people who drive too fast and drunk.

Jordan Confession
And Iraqi woman has confessed that she was a part of the recent hotel bombings in Jordan, but she failed to detonate her suicide bomb. She's helped investigators learn more about the attack, but she's set the feminist terrorism movement back by a decade or more.

Saddam's Lawyers Quit
The more than 1,100 attorneys representing Saddam Hussein in Iraq are quitting the case because of the terrorist attacks on their colleagues. Usually to find 1,100 spineless lawyers you just have to take a walk in Midtown Manhattan.

Saddam's Lawyers Quit II
The more than 1,100 attorneys representing Saddam Hussein in Iraq are quitting the case because of the terrorist attacks on their colleagues. Since they're used to dealing with armed religious fanatics, they're now going to defend Tom DeLay in Texas.

Britney Breakup?
Britney Spears is reportedly walking out on husband Kevin Federline because he refuses to help raise their new baby. But Federline shouldn't really have a problem taking care of children; he's had custody of Britney Spears for the last two years.

Cell Phone Robber
Police are on the lookout for a Virginia woman who robs banks while talking on her cell phone the entire time. Just to be safe, citizens are urging cops to shoot every annoying person who's constantly talking on their cell phone in public.

Jesse for Terrell
The Reverend Jesse Jackson is now speaking out in defense of suspended NFL star Terrell Owens. Now that Rosa Parks is dead, apparently the civil rights movement is about defending millionaire black men who act like children.

BTK House
The sale of the Wichita, Kansas house once owned by BTK killer Dennis Rader is being held up because Rader's wife is fighting to keep the proceeds rather than the families of his victims. But the real reason the case is unusual is because no else has been able to sell a home in Wichita in 25 years.