Miller Quits
New York Times reporter Judith Miller has announced her retirement. Miller will now focus on writing her new book, titled: Is Maureen Dowd Necessary?

Medicare on the Web
After weeks of delays, Medicare has unveiled its Internet guide to prescription drug coverage... and the three elderly people in America who can use the Internet think it's great.

KFC Assurance
KFC is airing TV commercials to reassure customers that its chicken is safe to eat if there is a bird flu outbreak. The ads remind viewers that there's nothing to fear, especially since what they serve at KFC isn't exactly chicken.

Betting in the Way
Ireland's Ryanair is planning to launch a series of regular flights with on-board casinos. No matter how much the passengers gamble, they still won't be making a bigger bet than the people who board US Airways flights every day.

Longest Flight
Boeing broke the record for the longest nonstop flight yesterday by making a 12,500-mile trip over 23 hours. But since the plane landed at O'Hare, it was then forced to spend another 22 hours just waiting for an arrival gate.

Delta Pilots Stand Firm
The Delta Airlines pilots union says it's not willing to make any more concessions. The pilots are furious over pay cuts, benefit reductions, and the fact that they have to bring their own booze on all their flights.

Bloomberg's Future
Mayor Mike Bloomberg said his political career will end after he leaves office in 2009, and then he plans to spend the rest of his life giving away his money. Actually, he's been spending his entire political career giving away his money too.

Oily Sympathy
The heads of five major oil companies told a Senate committee this week that they believe it's the government's responsibility to help Americans who can't afford higher fuel costs. But since the oil companies actually own the government, it's kind of the same thing.

Weak FCC
A Washington Post report on the FCC reveals the agency's record of policing the airwaves has been undermined by plodding investigations, insufficient fines and inconsistent follow-up... and that's the best explanation yet for why "Mama's Family" reruns are still on the air.

Shocking Contraception
Men in Serbia are using electric shocks delivered to their testicles as part of a new treatment that puts sperm to sleep for up to 10 days. Wow, men really will do anything to avoid wearing a condom!