Oil Hearings
The heads of five major oil companies were called before a Senate committee yesterday. The Senators challenged the executives defend their record profits, address questions about price gouging, and explain why they're still not giving them bigger campaign contributions.

Top 5 Signs the Oil Companies are Making Too Much Money

5) Several oil executives seen flossing with $100 bills

4) Exxon board members no longer feel need to take President Bush's phone calls

3) Full service island at you local filling station now takes reservations

2) Most popular car in the Chevron employee lot is a Brinks Truck

1) We're still in Iraq

Jordan Explosions
Terrorists set off bombs at three Jordanian hotels in the capital of Amman yesterday. Terrorism experts say the hotels were a logical choice for Islamic extremists because of their central location, western ownership, and outrageous mini bar prices.

White House Ethics Class
The good news is that all White House staffers are now required to attend hour-long briefings on ethics and rules in government. The bad news is the briefings are being conducted by Tom DeLay.

Religious Report Card
Condoleezza Rice has released the State Department's annual list of countries that are intolerant of religious freedom. It includes North Korea, Saudi Arabia, and Alabama.

Drinking Study
A new report shows that heavy drinking during adolescence can have lifelong effects. They include impaired memory, reduced physical development, and starting an unjustified war in Iraq when you become President.

Kansas Vote
The state board of education in Kansas has voted to dump evolution studies in high schools in favor of the "intelligent design" classes favored by evangelical Christians. The news is delighting students in Kansas who now plan to just write, "Jesus" as the answer to all their science test questions.