Chirac's Resolve
French President Jacques Chirac is vowing to do whatever is necessary to stop the nightly violent rioting by Muslim and African youth... but it's not clear if the French government can be any more Anti-Jewish than it already is.

Riot Destruction
Police estimate that the French rioters have torched about 1,300 cars in the past week... that's just an estimate because it's hard to tell the difference between a completely wrecked car and a Peugeot.

Rough Comment
French interior minister, Nicolas Sarkozy, has drawn the ire of the French people for calling the rioters "Scum." French citizens rightfully point out that Sarkozy should have referred to them as "Les Scum."

Top 5 Things the French Rioters Really Want

5) Bigger cars so they can set bigger fires

4) Just one store in France that actually sells deodorant

3) A government that blames everything on Israel... oh wait, they have that already!

2) More bans on American imports... like the new "Rocky" movie

1) Does it really matter? Whatever they get they'll still be France

Force Fed Prisoners
23 hunger-striking detainees at Guantanamo Bay are now being force fed meals by the U.S. military. This is a slight change for the Pentagon which is only really used to force feeding B.S.

Close Finish
Kenya's Paul Tergat won the New York City Marathon by a mere third of a second over South Africa's Hendrick Ramaala; the closest finish in the race's history. Usually, to see a Kenyan and a South African so close together, you have to take the subway during rush hour.

Marathon Cheaters?
A record 37,516 people competed in this year's New York City Marathon. It's easy to tell which of them cheated and took the subway... there the ones who finished last.

Corzine Goofs
In a debate this weekend, New Jersey gubernatorial candidate John Corzine mistakenly thought 18 was the legal drinking age in America. Corzine was really worried until he learned that it was still legal to have sex with 18-year-olds.

Old Church
Israeli archaeologists have discovered what they believe is a 4th century church near the city of Megiddo. Experts know the church is extremely old because of the stone construction, mosaics, and the campaign posters for Strom Thurmond.