A-Rod MVP
Yankee third baseman Alex Rodriguez has won the 2005 American League MVP award. Imagine what he would have won if he had played well in even one game that really counted!

Top 5 Reasons A-Rod Won MVP

5) Sports writers couldn't spell "Konerko" or "Podsednik"

4) It's not like he's as undeserving as Harriet Miers or Mike Brown!

3) The league wanted to do something for such an obviously underpaid athlete

2) A-Rod campaign greatly helped by advice from Karl Rove

1) The world needed something to stop Yankee fans from whining all winter

No Bonuses
59% of American workers won't be getting any holiday bonuses from their employers this year. That includes White House staffers, who are only getting bonuses from the oil companies.

Blanco's Rating
Time magazine has named Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco as the third worst governor in the country. The other two governors were judged to be worse because they actually killed their constituents on purpose.

White House Denial
President Bush's national security advisor said Sunday that while the White House was wrong about Iraq's weapons of mass destruction, he rejected the notion that the President manipulated intelligence and misled the American people... especially since that was Dick Cheney's job.

Bush Trip
President Bush left Monday for a trip to Asia that he says is "to advance the interests of American workers, business and entrepreneurs"... actually, President Bush makes things better here every time he leaves the country.

"In God We Trust" Fight
Atheist attorney Michael Newdow is starting a campaign to have the "In God We Trust" inscription taken off our money. But there doesn't seem to be any purpose to his crusade, since no Americans have cash anymore.

Sex on TV
A new study shows that 70% of American TV shows have some sexual content. Thankfully, the few shows with no sex are the ones with Star Jones.

KISS Lawsuit
A judge has ruled that a former girlfriend of KISS front man Gene Simmons can proceed with a defamation lawsuit in which she says Simmons made her sound like a "sex-addicted nymphomaniac" during a VH1 show. Legal experts say the suit is likely to fail since any woman who would date Gene Simmons must be a sex-addicted nymphomaniac.

Arnold Rocks China
Dozens of Chinese fans mobbed Arnold Schwarzenegger Monday as he made a visit to Beijing. But the incident isn't exactly a sure sign of Schwarzenegger's popularity, since the Chinese people have a long history of pretending to adore inept politicians.