Paterno Out
Joe Paterno is out as head coach of Penn State football. The school's board also fired Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and God.



Reation Riot
When Penn State students and fans heard of the firing, they took to the streets and overturned a news van. That's opposed to what they would have done if they had won the national championship, which is turn over TWO news vans.



Ramos Kidnapped
Nationals catcher Wilson Ramos has been kidnapped near his home in Venezuela. It's not clear if the kidnapping was a crime or just a new form of free agent signing by the cash-strapped New York Mets.



Bernanke Meets the Troops
Fed Chairman Ben Bernanke woke up early this morning to greet some returning troops from overseas at 3am. Considering this economy, Bernanke wanted to personally ask them to guard his house.



Care Cuts
28 states have cut their mental health care funding by $1.7 billion. They plan to release all their mental patients and let them join Occupy Wall Street.







November 10th


1293: Raden Wijaya is crowned as the first monarch of Majapahit kingdom of Java... mostly because he was the only one who could pronounce the name of the place.


1969: Sesame Street debuts on PBS. Millions of American kids instantly become gay.




1984: The first Breeders' Cup takes place at Hollywood Park Racetrack. Sadly, the event draws hundreds of perverts who try to breed with horses.