Greece Trap
Just this morning, three members of the Greek cabinet have resigned. The country is so broke, they each had to agree to take their severance payments in souvlaki.



Hit and Shout
Two Occupy Oakland protesters were accidentally hit last night by a man driving a Mercedes. The demonstrators almost lynched the driver until they realized that the only people rich enough to have a Mercedes are members of the teachers union.



Afghan Pullout
President Obama wants to pull the troops out of Afghanistan faster than planned. It turns out he'll need those soldiers to protect him when he admits he invested all our tax money with Jon Corzine.




Cancer Study
A new study shows that lack of physical activity leads to colon cancer. In other words, if all you do all day is sit on your ass, eventually your ass will stop working.



Obama and God
President Obama says God wants America to pass the Obama jobs bill. Actually, God just wants Obama to stop trying to steal his job.






November 3rd


361: Emperor Constantius II dies of a fever... which is what happened when you run around in a toga all day.


1812: Napoleon's armies are defeated at the Battle of Vyazma... but they still get into the playoffs via the wildcard.


1997: The U.S. imposes economic sanctions against Sudan... and they will go into effect as soon as Sudan gets an economy.