Thursday, October 27, 2011

Madoff Suicide Pact
Ruth Madoff now says she and her husband Bernie attempted, but failed to commit suicide. Several charitable organizations are now offering to help them try again.

EU Deal
As part of a new European bailout deal, private bondholders of Greece's debt will have to take a 50% cut in their investment. In return, they get free coffee refills at any diner in Manhattan through next Easter.

Wii Slump
Sales of Nintendo's Wii are falling. It turns out it's best customers just discovered girls.

Brown's Plan
California Governor Jerry Brown wants to raise the state retirement age to 67. Voters are expected to approve that plan since that would mean Brown should have retired 55 years ago.

NBA Deal?
The NBA and the players union are reporting progress in their labor talks. Some players are so optimistic, they've pre-ordered several new tattoos for their illegitimate children.

October 27th

1553: Condemned as a heretic, Michael Servetus is burned at the stake just outside Geneva. They would have done it inside Geneva, but that would have really ruined that day's elementary school barbeque.

1806: The French Army enters Berlin... just to hand out pastries, fighting was sooo 1805.

1904: The first underground New York City Subway line opens, providing a haven for hundreds of New Yorkers who like to make inaudible public announcements.


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