Monday, October 24, 2011

Jobs Book
The new Steve Jobs biography hits stores today and it is expected to break every book selling record. It's being marketed as the best thing to read while you're standing in line for 3 weeks waiting to buy the next iPhone.

Student Loan Bailout
This week, President Obama will announce a new student loan bailout program. Of course there already is a program for people who can't pay their student loans, it's called "working at Starbucks."

No Cell Cancer Link
The biggest ever medical study on mobile devices concludes there is no link to cancer with cell phone use. The only lethal threat is still what happens to the parents of teenagers when they get their cell phone bills.

Obama to Vegas
President Obama goes to Las Vegas today to promote his jobs bill... and try to fix the deficit by taking all of this month's federal tax revenues to the roulette table at the Bellagio.

Beavis is Back!
MTV is bringing Beavis and Butthead back to its lineup this month... the show is also known as "The Obama-Biden Re-Election Campaign."

October 24th

1260: The spectacular Cathedral of Chartres is dedicated in the presence of King Louis IX of France; naturally, the cathedral is now a government-run clean needle exchange for heroin addicts.

1949: The cornerstone of the United Nations Headquarters is laid... appropriatley right in the middle of traffic on 1st Avenue.

1973: Yom Kippur War ends; Israelis and Arabs celebrate together with a fabulous "break war" catered by H&H Bagels.


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