Monday, October 31, 2011

Medical Waste
A new report shows that Americans get $6.8 billion worth of unnecessary medical tests per year. In fact, doctors performed 15 unnecessary breast and gynecological exams on Jessica Alba last month alone.

Cain Claims
Herman Cain is denying two claims of sexual harassment against him. On the bright side, he now has Bill Clinton's endorsement.

Stock Disease
A new study shows that following volatile stock markets causes heart disease. Luckily, most of the people who work on Wall Street have no hearts.

Corzine Payment
Despite plunging the MF Global investment firm into bankruptcy, CEO Jon Corzine could get a $9 million severance package. Actually, any payment that keeps him from running for office again would be worth it for everybody.

Perry Tax Plan
The liberal Tax Policy Center says Rick Perry's flat tax plan would reduce federal tax revenues by $1 trillion by 2015. That's enough money to pay for a whole week of Charlie Rangel's dinners and his resulting colostomy treatments.

November 1st

1886: Ananda College, a leading Buddhist school in Sri Lanka is established with 37 students... but most of them flunk out when they are unable to achieve total consciousness on the midterm.

1950: Pope Pius XII claims Papal Infallibility... but then loses all credibility when he picks the Pirates to win the World Series.

1959: Jacques Plante of the Montreal Canadiens becomes the first goaltender to wear a protective mask... sadly, he forgot to wear his protective cup.


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