Monday, October 31, 2011

Axelrod Lashes Out
Top Obama advisor David Axelrod says the Republicans are destroying the economy on purpose... and he insists the President is only doing it by accident.

Corzine Crash
Jon Corzine's MF Global hedge fund is about to file for bankruptcy. Who could have guessed that the guy who once ran the well-financed and fiscally disciplined state of New Jersey wouldn't work out on Wall Street?

Social Security Emergency
Social Security will lose $250 billion by next year if President Obama is able to extend the payroll tax holiday as he proposes. But that won't matter because of all the old people who will be killed by Obamacare.

Jersey Snow
Much of New Jersey remains without power after Saturday's freak snow storm. You know it's really bad, because even the Real Housewives of New Jersey are all sharing one hair dryer.

Pakistani Sesame Street
The U.S. government is giving Pakistan $20 million to fund a local version of Sesame Street. In the Pakistani version of the show, Ernie's rubber duckie is actually a plastic explosive.

October 31st

1864: Nevada is admitted as the 36th U.S. state. It's official state flower is syphilis.

1959: Lee Harvey Oswald attempts to renounce his American citizenship in Moscow. He is told to come back with something the Soviets want... like soft toilet paper.

1961: Joseph Stalin's body is removed from Lenin's Tomb... just so that Lenin doesn't get lonely, Stalin's body is replaced by the 20 million dead people Stalin killed.


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