Monday, September 26, 2011

Alimony Law
Massachusetts has eliminated lifetime alimony requirements. So, if your spouse suddenly suggests you move to Boston... hire a private investigator.

Tax Dope
A man in the crowd at an Obama town hall event in Mountain View, California yesterday actually asked the president to raise his taxes. Then he asked him to tie him up and call him a "dirty man."

California Crunch
Half of California's voters report a decline in their personal incomes. The other half supply hair and makeup services to Lady Gaga.

Racist Story?
Critics say it was racist for the AP to transcribe President Obama's speech Saturday night by using the words "cryin'," and "complainin'" in the copy. Meanwhile, several Sesame Street characters plan to protest the assault on the letter "g.".

Budget Deal
Thanks to a deal in Congress, there will be no government shutdown and there will be no need for emergency votes on the Jewish New Year of Rosh Hashanah. That means Jewish Congressman will be able to blow the shofar and Barney Frank will be able to blow the chaffeur.

September 27th

1590: Pope Urban VII dies 13 days after being chosen as the Pope... wasting a perfectly good set of Roman numerals.

1822: Jean-Fran├žois Champollion announces that he has deciphered the Rosetta stone. World leaders immediately get him on the job of trying to figure out what the Hell women want.

1922: King Constantine I of Greece abdicates his throne in favor of his eldest son, King George II. King George immediatley makes his father clean his room.


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