Economic Poll
59% of the American people are unhappy with the U.S. economy. The other 41% say they plan to strike it rich by pretending they're Arnold Schwarzenegger's illegitimate children.



Zuckerbeg Success
Thanks to the huge Linked In IPO success yesterday, market experts believe that Facebook's Mark Zuckerberg could soon be worth more than $200 billion. That also makes him the only American 27-year-old who can pay his student loans.



Foreign Aid
President Obama said yesterday he wants to send billions more taxpayer dollars to Arab countries. Most of that money will be used to build nicer compounds for al Qaeda.



IMF Pension Baby
Despite being forced to step down in disgrace, former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn will get a $259,000-per year pension... just enough to afford a maid who won't go to the cops.



Medical Miracle?
Doctors say there's been a breakthrough in the treatment of paralysis using electrodes. This is the best cure for not being able to move other than voting people out of Congress.





May 20th



1497: John Cabot sets sail from Bristol, England, on his ship Matthew looking for a route to the west… and an excuse to spend 6 months alone in close quarters with a dozen 15-year-old boys.



1861: The state of Kentucky proclaims its neutrality in the Civil War… but then joins the Union when it realizes it would hurt basketball recruiting.



1882: The Triple Alliance between Germany, Austria-Hungary and Italy is formed. They join together mostly just to make fun of Spain.