Sunday, May 15, 2011

IMF Arrest
IMF chief and French presidential candidate Dominque Strauss Kahn is accused of sexually assaulting a chamber maid at a Manhattan hotel Saturday... which means Strauss Kahn is now a shoo-in to win the election.

IMF Arrest II
IMF Chief Dominque Strauss Kahn insists he is innoncent of charges he sexually assaulted a chamber maid at a Manhattan hotel. He does admit to being guilty of being a huge Kobe Bryant fan.

Pension Raid
The U.S. Treasury will start tapping into federal worker pension funds to pay government bills if Congress doesn't raise the debt ceiling. Outraged federal workers would threaten to strike... if they ever did any work in the first place, that is.

Mortgage Relief?
Americans are paying lower and lower mortgage bills thanks to falling house prices, refinancing, and because the banks are now accepting gas in lieu of cash.

Debt Limit
The U.S. government will hit the $14.2 trillion debt limit today. In response, the Treasury is now advising the entire nation to carry out a massive "dine and dash."

May 16th

1868: President Andrew Johnson is acquitted in his impeachment trial when the Senate realizes no one cares about the case because no one was accused of having sex with an intern.

1969: Venera 5, a Soviet spaceprobe, lands on Venus... but sadly doesn't find any toilet paper there either.

1975: Junko Tabei becomes the first woman to reach the summit of Mount Everest. But the moment is ruined for her when the men already there demand that she wash their clothes.


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