French Shock
France is reportedly "in shock" and "soul searching" after Socialist Party leader Dominique Strauss-Kahn was arrested for sexually assaulting a chamber maid in Mew York. The nation had been under the impression that its top political leaders would never jump anyone below a cocktail waitress.



California Bonanza
California is getting $6.6 billion in unexpected revenue this year... mostly of that money is coming from what Arnold Shwarzenegger will have to pay his divorce lawyers.



Flood Effects
So far, emptying the spillway in Louisiana is having its intended effect. The river at Baton Rouge has fallen 2.5 feet... and given everyone else in the state yet another excuse not to visit the dentist.



Governator Scandal
Arnold Schwarzenegger now admits he fathered a child with a household maid in 2001. This explains why he ran for governor two years later... to get some advice on raising illegitimate kids from his experienced co-workers.



Baseball Fail
Kansas City Royals pitcher Vin Mazzaro gave up 14 runs in just over 2 innings last night. The only person easier to score with is Dominique Strauss-Kahn.






May 17th


1673: Louis Joliet and Jacques Marquette begin exploring the Mississippi River. They end up coming up with 136 excellent places to set up riverboat casinos.

1954: The United States Supreme Court hands down a unanimous decision in Brown v. Board of Education… mostly in hopes of improving high school basketball throughout the country.

1990: The World Health Organization eliminates homosexuality from the list of psychiatric diseases, and replaces it with a new mental disorder called “being a Mets fan.”