Letterman Affairs
In order to thwart a blackmail attempt, David Letterman has publicly admitted to having affairs with his staffers. Well, someone had to sleep with Paul Shaffer.



Chicago Hopes for Games
Chicago is hoping to learn today that it will get the 2016 Olympic Games. The city is so united behind the effort and anxious about today's announcement that street gangs have promised not to beat anyone to death for the whole day.



Nurses Fight
A nurses union in Washington state is fighting a mandatory flu vaccination policy. In the past, the union has successfully fought laws requiring nurses wash their hands, show up to work sober, and give a damn.



Lakshmi Preggers
"Top Chef" host Padma Lakshmi is pregnant. SO from now on when she barfs up the pork served on the show, it may not be because the contestants forgot to cook it.



Dunkin' Cameras
Dunkin' Donuts store owners are outraged over a surveillance system that they fear the corporate offices will use against them. In reality, the company just wants video proof to dispel some nasty rumors about what's really inside the Boston Cream donuts.




October 2nd

1789: George Washington sends the proposed Constitutional amendments to the States for ratification. Local militias are called up to keep order at the resulting town hall meetings.


1919: President Woodrow Wilson suffers a massive stroke, leaving him partially paralyzed... but still more capable than most of the presidents who came after him.


1996: The Electronic Freedom of Information Act Amendments are signed by U.S. President Bill Clinton... who was under impression that the new regulations made it legal to use the Internet to see chicks naked.