Sully Returns
Hero U.S. Airways pilot Chesley Sullenberger returns to the skies today for the first time since he safely landed a disabled jet on the Hudson River earlier this year. His flight takes off at 4:30pm, but birds protesting Sullenberger's return will begin picketing at noon.



U.S. Threatens Iran
U.S. diplomats say Iran must change its ways or "pay the price." It's not clear if "pay the price" means having to listen to more speeches from President Obama or having to attend a health care town hall meeting.



Saturn Shutting Down
GM has decided to shut down Saturn after realizing that the company didn't fit its overall business model because it made cars that Americans actually wanted to buy.




IMF Optimists?
The International Monetary Fund says the world economy is recovering faster than it expected. But that's because it only expected it to recover by the year 2150.



Indians vs. Greenies
Several Indian tribes are starting to push back against environmentalists shutting down coal-fired power plants. The Indians say they rely on the jobs at those plants, and have been using the smoke stacks to communicate with each other for decades.






October 1st


331 BC: Alexander the Great defeats Darius III of Persia... but Darius is able to cover the spread.


1795: Belgium is conquered by France... and it's still the most embarrassing moment in European history for any country.


1880: First electric lamp factory opened by Thomas Edison... beginning what environmentalists call "The Holocaust."


1931: The George Washington Bridge opens, some of the cars on the bridge that day are still stuck in traffic on the George Washington Bridge.


1964: The Free Speech Movement is launched on the campus of University of California, Berkeley. But no one at Cal has said anything worth hearing since.