Taliban Leader Killed
Pakistani Taliban leader Baitullah Mehsud has been killed in a U.S. drone attack. The bulky remote-controlled plane apparently went above and beyond the call of duty in hopes of not being junked in the "cash for clunkers" program.



Florida #1
The University of Florida has been ranked #1 in the first college football poll of the year. This means the players can enjoy the rest of the summer knowing they don't even need to pretend they'll go to class.



John Hughes R.I.P.
Director John Hughes died yesterday of a heart attack at age 59. To honor his many films depicting teen angst, his body will be permanantly stuffed into a locker at New Trier High School in suburban Chicago.



Twitter Attack
Twitter was down for 3 hours yesterday because of a cyber attack. It's not clear if the hacker was trying to make a political statement or if he was just sick of reading any more stupid crap from Ashton Kutcher.



Calling Goldman Sachs
The New York Times has hired Goldman Sachs to help it sell the Boston Globe... which means the Globe will be sold for about $10 million and Goldman will get a commission worth $100 million.




1461: Ming Dynasty general Cao Qin stages a coup against the Tianshun Emperor... then gets back to making overpriced vases.


1794: The Whiskey Rebellion begins as farmers in Pennsylvania rebel against the federal tax on liquor. Democrats blame conservative radio talk show hosts.


1927: The Peace Bridge opens between Fort Erie, Ontario and Buffalo, New York... giving New Yorkers easier access to go and beat up more Canadians.


1966: Race riots occur in Lansing, Michigan.... otherwise known as "registration day" at Michigan State.