Troops vs. Lawyers
Pakistani troops got into several scuffles with protesting lawyers in the capital city today. Let's see, yesterday they canceled the elections, today they're beating up lawyers... Pakistan is looking like a better place to live every day!


Pakistan President Musharraf's declaration of martial law leaves the United States in a tough spot; do we withhold financial aid, or do we send Rosie O'Donnell to Islamabad?



Writer's Strike
Hollywood's TV and movie writers are now on strike. They'll join the comedy writers from Saturday Night Live, who have obviously been on strike since 1993.

Luckily, there's still lots of high-paying work out there for the striking Hollywood writers. Drama writers are getting jobs writing off-broadway plays, comedy writers are penning material for stand up acts, and sci-fi writers can always write more speeches for Ron Paul.

Writers are demanding more money for DVD sales and Internet content. The writers insist the royalties are essential for them to continue to have the ability to steal each other's material.

The strike is already taking a big toll on veteran Hollywood writers, especially the staff at "Grey's Anatomy"... who until they can get back to work, feel compelled to have random, irresponsible sex with each other.

A spokeswoman for the WGA says that the strike would not affect network TV news divisions... except for CBS, where a real news anchor will have to fill in for Katie Couric and her team of soap opera writers.



Parsons Out
Richard Parsons is stepping down as CEO of TimeWarner and will be replaced by Jeff Bewkes. Parsons is now considered the front-runner for the vacant CEO jobs at Merrilly Lynch and Citigroup, two companies that like TimeWarner, have no interest in turning a profit.


Parsons five-year tenure as CEO of TimeWarner is truly impressive; it takes true talent to work at a job for that long and still not accomplish anything.