Fed Rate Cut
The Federal Reserve has decided to reduce interest rates by another quarter point. This is expected to spur employment, reduce mortgage bills, and increase the number of credit card offers you get in the mail by 511%.



Kid Blamed
California police say a pre-teen boy playing with matches was responsible for a huge California wildfire that destroyed 38,000 acres and 21 homes last week... and they're blaming his 5-year-old sister for leaving the border fence open and allowing millions of illegal immigrants into the country.



Palestinian Threat
Fatah President Mahmoud Abbas says Palestinians will start committing violent attacks if current peace talks with Israel fail. The big question is: how will anyone notice the difference?



Elderly Problems
A new study says that almost 15% of people over 70 suffer from dimentia, but that percentage rises dramatically for people over 70 who also happen to be members of the U.S. Senate.


Elderly Problems II
A new study says that almost 15% of people over 70 suffer from dimentia... which explains how most of them can drive for hours with the left turn signal blinking.



Kids Today
A new study shows that young teens are rarely dating and attending events like school dances much less often. This is because most of them are sleeping with their teachers.