Smuggling Ring
18 airline workers were charged Tuesday with helping drug traffickers smuggle heroin and cocaine through John F. Kennedy International Airport, making those dope dealers the only people who can actually get through JFK Airport at all.



Oil Record
Oil prices hit a new high today. Crude is getting so valuable, terrorists are now planning to rob oil rigs instead of blowing them up.



Paulson's Warning
Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson says the housing crisis presents a significant risk to the U.S. economy... not as significant a risk as Internet porn, but still pretty serious.



Putin in Iran
Russian leader Vladimir Putin visited Iran today and said he believes the Iranian nuclear program is for peaceful purposes. Putin also said he believes in the tooth fairy, Santa Claus, and the Great Pumpkin.


U.S. Honors Lama
China is expressing its outrage over the U.S. government's decision to honor the Dalai Lama.... not so much because of political reasons, but because this might revive Richard Gere's career.