Pakistan Elections Halted
Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf has suspended his country's election indefinitely. Anything he can do to delay the primary elections here in the U.S. would be greatly appreciated.


Citi CEO Stepping Down
Citigroup CEO Chuck Prince is set to announce his resignation today. If he hurries, he can get a job at Bear Stearns buying pot for Jimmy Cayne.



Storm Knocks out Power
The remnants of Hurricane Noel have left much of Massachusetts without power. Police expect severe rioting and looting if electricity isn't restored in time for the Patriots-Colts game this afternoon.



Marathon Preps
Tens of thousands of runners are lining up at the Verrazano Bridge this morning for the New York City Marathon... no wait, that's just the usual amount of people desperate to escape Staten Island.



Tutt's Mummy
Egypt is set to reveal King Tut's mummy to the general public for the first time. It's a bold move since the 3,000-year-old corpse still looks better than most living Egyptians.



California Crash
A massive 100-car pileup has snarled traffic in Fresno, California. Rescue crews are on the scene desperately trying to salvage the remaining gasoline.