Monday, June 26, 2006

Viagra Benefits?
A new study shows that Viagra might help athletes perform better at higher altitudes. So THAT'S why the U.S. men's ski team ordered all those baggy pants.

More Buffett
Warren Buffett is deciding to give most of his $40 billion fortune to Bill Gates. This is otherwise known as "Republican welfare."

Top 5 Better Things to Do with $40 Billion

5) Wave it in front of Donald Trump and sing: "Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah Nyah!"

4) Fix all the damn bugs in Windows 2000

3) Buy the U.S. army another 40 weeks in Iraq

2) Buy 40 billion lotto tickets... you can't lose!

1) Get Bill Gates some decent clothes

Angry Bush
President Bush angrily defended the administration's bank records tracking program Monday. He told the White House press corps that Congress was briefed, the program is legal and totally confidential... but some of them should really think twice about using their debit cards to buy porn.

Angry Bush II
President Bush says newspapers who published details of the bank records tracking program publish are "making it harder to win this war on terror"... to which the newspapers replied, "wait, there's a war on terror?"

Angry Bush III
President Bush is lashing out at the New York Times for publishing secret details of the administration's bank records tracking program. But really he's just angry he read about it in the Times before Dick Cheney told him about it.

Sleepy Cable Guy
A Cable TV installer who fell asleep on a customer's couch for over three hours is keeping his job. His bosses realized he wasn't to blame when they found out he was installing MSNBC.

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