Opening Day
It's opening day for Major League Baseball. Nothing beats that moment when the first batter finishes his practice swings, steps up to the plate, and pees in a jar for a steroid test.

Papal Memorial
Tens of thousands of Catholics jammed Saint Peter's Square Sunday to honor the dead Pope... and after they paid their respects to Benedict XVI, they remembered John Paul II.

Carroll Retracts
Newly-released hostage Jill Carroll now says her captors were "criminals" and that everything she said about Iraq was forced out of her by evil people. President Bush called her immediately after that and said: "I know just how you feel!"

Iranian Power
Iran now says it has an underwater missile that can travel up to 223 miles per hour, and an air missile that can avoid radar detection. But neither of those weapons are stronger reasons to invade Iran than President Bush's low approval rating.

Telecom Merger
Lucent Technologies and French telecom Alcatel are merging. Usually when we talk about the French embracing an American failure, we're talking about Jerry Lewis.